That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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