I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
