I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
