I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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