He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
