Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
