it wasn't lemon gatorade
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
