When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
