Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
