Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
