I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
