we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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