I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
