I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
