on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize