I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
