I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
