I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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