ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
