I will die if light touches me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
