If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize