dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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