Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
