yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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