Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
