Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
