I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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