Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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