went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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