i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
