yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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