I got chris browned last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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