like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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