I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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