you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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