I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
