I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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