So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
