i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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