dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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