oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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