How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
