batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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