Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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