D3 body, D1 cock
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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