I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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