:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
