with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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