Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
