i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
