dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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