you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
as a side note pls kill me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
