is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
