He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
