I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
