with your own penis?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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