dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
