I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
