"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
