you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
