I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
