i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was CRYING into my vagina
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
