a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Congratulations! We have a period
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
