I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
