"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
