i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
