I CAN MOONWALK!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think people are normalizing furries
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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