you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
