i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
