i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
