I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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