he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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