did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
