so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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