I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
