we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
