Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
